Monday, May 26, 2008


Do you know Zach, that your dad's arm, if he had continued weightlifting since those days, I'd say they would be as huge as Arnold Schwarzaneggar's.... I know, Arnold, the famous actor/politician could be dead or is a 100 years old by the time you discover this online diary of mummy's.

You have no idea how nervous mummy gets the first month you come to this world. He knows he looks clumsy (he IS clumsy) everytime he maneouvers his hands to carry you and puts you down, and it gets worse when he knows he is being watched.

Yes, mummy shouted at him a few times when he wanted to pick you by just grabbing your head from the top like holding the sharp end of a rugby ball and his other hand supporting your back. He told me that no parents in this world, even the totally handicapped, had broken their babies.

I will usually just hide my chuckle.

It gets stranger, with a fuzzy feeling to see how he whole heartedly sings 'Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star' and 'ABC' to you nowadays. It is different than how he makes mummy listen to him singing all his 'rock melayu 80an' and English retros, I'd end up sleeping at 2am instead of 11pm.

That's why I think you should see how you react to his daily singing.

Tengok tu! Sebok pandang kat lain.

That's what happens when he ends his songs with a chirpy 'Cak!' at you. He's very much like Sulley in Monster Inc and you're very much like Boo in that movie, treating him like your ultimate vehicle.

Sayang, your lagu ABC tu salah laa, mana boleh repeat the alphabets dua kaliiii!!!!

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Mummy's Day.

Mom is the typical Kelantanese lady, works very hard for everything, rough n tough in getting things done and an army type disciplinarian. She won't knock on my door if I am not awake by 8am, she'd bang it and shout words like 'anak lelaki ke anak perempuan ni!'

I grew up with lots of differences against her.... lots. People say rebels are born out of any broken marriages and single parents make stern mothers and soft daddys.

Now that I'm a mom, I looked at her and I looked back at myself... how I look after my marriage, my son, myself.... I cannot beat what she had done even if I'm given a chance to try it all out from scratch again.

Divorce, raising two kids with the crummy pay she used to earn those days, covered up for late dads 'warts and all' though he didn't give her the love a rightful wife should get, living with inferiority complex and insecurity due to that aftertitle. She did that all on her own, I go through mine from the day I got married till the day I got my first child... all with her authoritarian self backing me.

There were days I was my selfish self, wanting things to be left to just me to make the patterns and hum the sounds, other people's ways, or rather her ways are, to me, seen as old school, this and that.

I keep telling myself that I must not jadi kepala besar, semua benda Tuhan dah bagi, nak mengeluh lagi that things are not good enough. That is so takbur... of me.

Inspite of our differences, she still funded my first asset and she paid for a nice wedding though she thought I can only be the worst menantu for any Malay family.

But I kept my takbur comments just within my lungs, syukur they were never blurted out and hurt people unnecessarily. People say.... new mothers are like that, it'll wear off. Thank God it did.

She tried hard to catch up on what she missed while raising us. Bought toys for Amer, sew him all his pillows and mattress covers, follow his day to day progress, even knock on our doors on weekends to make sure she still gets enough air time with him. I know, she tried to catch up on what it's like to give love wholeheartedly, without any distractions.

When I find myself buying new shoes for mummy or try to give her some other extras though she's such a simple person, I do feel healed.... healed from my own selfish ill feelings; I feel healed from being able to rise against my ego. All that envelopes me when I see that she won't say thank you, just that smile intentionally smoked screened by her normal loud chattering. I know that you know that I tried.

You keep saying you're so lucky to still be able to see a male descendant before the day you go. Truth is, we are the lucky ones.

Zac, your first bath was done by your Tok Mummy. I hope to be able to look after your offsprings just as good.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Semangat Kepahlawanan yang Semakin Hilang

Mummy: Uncle kena parang in front of kedai Azlinah last weekend

Me: ??????? *my heart was palpitating

Mummy: He suspected the Beemer infront of him was being stolen, so he went and masuk campur, pegi pukul orang tu. He wants me to tell you to becareful. I don't think you should drive around with just Amer and Bibik in the car, not around here.


Me: Uncle, where are you? Are you ok?

Uncle: I'm okaaaaayyy. *His selamba tone as usual.

Me: Are you hospitalised?

Uncle: Tak ada apa apa laaa.

Me: You mean they parang you and you are okay? Beemer which model?

Uncle: Brand new 5 series. Two guys with parang just sandwiched the driver to take over the steering wheel, they are smart as the car was also sandwiched by two cars back and front. My car was behind his.

.... I was trying to see if my 'Kekebalan' is still there. So I approached the snatcher, bang his head on the steering a few times, he came out, hit his parang on me.

Me: Uncle whyyyyy.......

Uncle: Uncle cover muka aje dengan tangan. Dia cuba tetak sampai bunyi, 'tak, tak, tak, tak!' The other guy took over the steering wheel and banged front and back cars. My car's bonet hancur.

Me: YOUR HANDSSSSSS?????????????
*In my mind, I'm picturing those all casted in cement already.

Uncle: Datang la tengok.
*He started laughing as cocky as always. In our family, he's the most gregarious, funny and love to drive us around for little food adventures and that made him the closest to all his nephews and nieces.


I only saw many small marks on both forearms as if he got bitten by an angry cat.

Me: Parang dia tumpul gila ke? Uncle lain kali boleh tak kalau tak masuk campur benda benda macam niiiiii!!!

Uncle: Uncle kebaaaaallll!!!! *he was grinning.

Uncle: Any penyamun knows la Mainey, kalau nak curi kereta pergi TTDI, sini orang akan surrender aje and leave everything to insurance. Kita semua orang yang lawan dengan intellectual strength, tak ada jiwa pahlawan, tak ada semangat tolong-menolong, kena samun jerit la sorang-sorang. This is the best playground for car thieves, takda challenge langsung for them. *He smiled

I knew he had a great time pukul orang, so old yet still so hot blooded, konon macam orang muda.

I need a gun. That's how I will fight.

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