Mummy's Day.

Mom is the typical Kelantanese lady, works very hard for everything, rough n tough in getting things done and an army type disciplinarian. She won't knock on my door if I am not awake by 8am, she'd bang it and shout words like 'anak lelaki ke anak perempuan ni!'

I grew up with lots of differences against her.... lots. People say rebels are born out of any broken marriages and single parents make stern mothers and soft daddys.

Now that I'm a mom, I looked at her and I looked back at myself... how I look after my marriage, my son, myself.... I cannot beat what she had done even if I'm given a chance to try it all out from scratch again.

Divorce, raising two kids with the crummy pay she used to earn those days, covered up for late dads 'warts and all' though he didn't give her the love a rightful wife should get, living with inferiority complex and insecurity due to that aftertitle. She did that all on her own, I go through mine from the day I got married till the day I got my first child... all with her authoritarian self backing me.

There were days I was my selfish self, wanting things to be left to just me to make the patterns and hum the sounds, other people's ways, or rather her ways are, to me, seen as old school, this and that.

I keep telling myself that I must not jadi kepala besar, semua benda Tuhan dah bagi, nak mengeluh lagi that things are not good enough. That is so takbur... of me.

Inspite of our differences, she still funded my first asset and she paid for a nice wedding though she thought I can only be the worst menantu for any Malay family.

But I kept my takbur comments just within my lungs, syukur they were never blurted out and hurt people unnecessarily. People say.... new mothers are like that, it'll wear off. Thank God it did.

She tried hard to catch up on what she missed while raising us. Bought toys for Amer, sew him all his pillows and mattress covers, follow his day to day progress, even knock on our doors on weekends to make sure she still gets enough air time with him. I know, she tried to catch up on what it's like to give love wholeheartedly, without any distractions.

When I find myself buying new shoes for mummy or try to give her some other extras though she's such a simple person, I do feel healed.... healed from my own selfish ill feelings; I feel healed from being able to rise against my ego. All that envelopes me when I see that she won't say thank you, just that smile intentionally smoked screened by her normal loud chattering. I know that you know that I tried.

You keep saying you're so lucky to still be able to see a male descendant before the day you go. Truth is, we are the lucky ones.



Zac, your first bath was done by your Tok Mummy. I hope to be able to look after your offsprings just as good.