Tuesday, February 02, 2010

When Loneliness is Bliss.

I could not really count how many people around me who are actually a peacemaker... or at least... MY peacemaker.

People say... to retreat or to mengalah is always the best way to win.

... or in other means... just keep silent and find solace from within.

I keep reflecting a life changing dream I had just before I turned 30.

I was walking in a very spacious house that has such a well grown in door garden.

I was spending quiet time watching the green that is separated from the hall by floor to ceiling well cleaned glass.

I could hear the family moving about minding their own things yet it didn't distract my pondering.

Then I attempted to walk to another indoor garden patch.

...... then I felt something sharp hitting my chest. It came from within.

In a minute, I fell on the floor.

...... immediately I felt myself gliding in mid air. I had soft white linen dress covering my body and it is such a comfortable outfit.

Small commotion going on where I fell, I looked at myself and rested myself again on the sofa where I started and continued pondering at the garden.

My body was then lifted from the floor and I heard people weeping, crying.

Until today I remember that dream so vividly.

The feeling of leaving this life isn't all that bad. I could feel the intense feeling of serenity the mind is so free and peaceful.

It was so real.

When I woke up, I wondered if it meant of any awakening, or a renewal.


Everytime I felt hostility, which is what this world is so full of, I would take myself into that dream again. Where loneliness is bliss. So I would be able to break a smile and face this world.

Amer.... my loyal companion. Throughout the weekend, he would sit peacefully beside me when we go out.

We were attempting to go to One Utama on a weekend when everybody's trying to do their last minute Chinese New Year shopping.

I was hoping I didn't have to search too long and make Amer all giddy.

I thought I'd stop on a lane and just wait for someone to leave, and kept reminding Amer, 'kita dah nak sampai'.

Suddenly where was a knock on my right screen.

A Chinese man with a bright smile signalling to me that he's moving his X4 out and that I should move backwards to take over the spot.

I was so happy, in five minutes we got a spot right beside the lift when outside.... the cars are parked all the way within the housing area.

Then that man, came back and said "Ma'am, give me awhile, I'm getting my parking fee done first ok." I said thank you profusely.

Later, he drove out and waved very respectfully.

I felt like it didn't matter if I needed to browse the mall with Amer anymore.

A little kindness mend a little something within me.

We were both running around the New Wing indoor garden while Amer strutts around to see all the fish he wants. I guess this is his time to feel a little of what I felt in my dream; freedom!

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