The Secret - my version

Ashe: Ooooo, ko jumpa Rizal Shah ada masa, ngan aku asyik kensel. Takpe la, aku sedar sekarang sapa diri aku ni.

Mainey: Daaaah laaa tuu, drama king pulak laaaa buruk sunggoh. If you can drive over to my area, we have lunch together. Come over this Friday?

Ashe: I am putting it down the second time in my Blackberry and I'M NOT cancelling it again! Dah la tak jumpa dah 20 years, ajak bukak posa boleh lak datang cam VIP kul 10!

Mainey: Eh, I ni kan blue blood, kira bagus la I nak mencemar duli tau!. Okaaayy, okaaayyy. Jom makan, put time put place.

Facebook has its advantages and disadvantages. But I like that it does this to me, I found my childhood friends in Damansara Utama, those who played adang-adang, teng-teng, basikal with me.

And I found most of my primary school mates, one of the best times of my life.

Ash: U ingat tak Raymond?

Mainey: Of course la I ingat, I always thought he's a phoney rich kid. But.... takkan la whole year through he could treat us all 20 orang for those free McD's and KFC meals kan?

Ash: Eih, his company is now supporting Google Asia and Microsoft Asia ok! Dah la mamat tu one time kitaorang panggil dia Muhammad Raymond, dia mati-mati nak masuk Islam.

Mainey: Serious?

Ash: Not anymore la, lepas dia jumpa awek Cina. And remember Haris we met that day?

Mainey: Yeah, he gave me his card masa bukak posa hari tu. VP of Khazanah... but Khazanah kan full of VPs?

Ash: That is just one of his portfolio babe. He is sitting on BOD for CIMB ok!

Mainey: But he was like a nucleus dowh kat sekolah, biar benar!

Ash: And Fazlan, anak Txxxxxx Ramli tu, kan you jumpa dia jugak. Nampak sempoi je kan.

Ash: He handles quite a sum of his dad's properties. Come nanti kita gi ranch dia sesama kat Kuang. The best horses around are in his ranch.

Mainey: Oh, I remember... the whole family never had any air of snobbishness. He was telling me about his two kids and how he needs to spend more time with them.

Ash: Ikhwan you tak jumpa kan.

Mainey: I saw him walking towards his car. Dia tak bawak wife dia ye?

Ash: Wardina? Eh, I told him not to la, nanti semua orang tak leh focus. Hahhaha!

Mainey: You sorang je la yang bother nak buat gathering suma ni.

Ash: Eh, kat sekolah kita ada ke bercakap?

Mainey: Mana adaaaa, you tu sikit lagi nak kena tampar by me ada laa.

Ash: Apsal?

Mainey: Sesuka hati nak cium orang depan cikgu. Budak gila!

He was laughing his head off. 'Ah, ah, dulu Nina Kxxxxla.... dia kejar aku dengar ruler besi, nasib baik tak belubang peha aku! Aku pegang tangan dia jeeee.'

.......

Being in my line of profession, doubled up with being the second in its ecosystem, there's only so much superficial conversations -- over trade shows, over demanding principal, over change management, over high attrition rate.

T'built a barrier around me, thou shall not speak unless spoken to. Coz I will speak to only those I know, for the sakes of self preservation.

...

We went on talking over lunch coz I know, stuff on facebook would intrigue him to delve further, I just wanted to know how old friends are doing.

Then came the question, "Ko nak keje makan gaji berapa lama lagi ni? Mind me for jumping the gun. Our communication gap was 24 years, but coming from a guy who spoke to thousands of loan applicants... rugi la ko ni tak buat something on your own."

......

Ko tanak dengar la apa yang aku buat. Thank God my husband je has the same vibes.

Aku penat penat datang ni, ko jgn tanak citer sampai habis. Shoot it now please eh!

Ok! But... don't laugh!

... we want to venture into agriculture. Yeah... we don't know shit about it, but at least the affection on the idea is there.

Wooohhhh! *He shook my hand. I'm looking forward to that too.

Then, he went on talking about his cousin's farm of sheeps in Taiping, and how it is done with state of the art agrotech with... a lot of love.

I smiled at him and said that I probably can't really get onto hands-on models. It is 'kayu gaharu' I am looking at.

Then he said 'Jatropha'?

Shit..... you know about it?

Of course! I know about it inside out cuma tanah aje aku takde - you got land?

And I probably know about it 1/5 of what you know but about land, I'm working on it.

We both just stared at each other.... in hundreds and thousands of friends, what is the possibilities of someone forcing you to meet up again after two decades, let alone the possibilities of speaking about the most obscure agriculture idea.

It boggles my mind again, on Law of Attraction and what we doa for.

..... God, You Are The Ultimate wonder.

Hajat Mama.

Tahun lepas mama tak dapat balik KB, masa tu dah masuk third trimester. Tahun sebelum tu; 2007, mama was still single. Your papa, who was then still courting me, dapat berpuasa dengan mama sampai malam sebelum raya pertama kat KB sebelum orang kat KB ingat Tok We Mo (your maternal great grand mother) tu tiba-tiba terlebih sporting bagi bakal cucu menantu tidur kat rumah.



Tiap-tiap tahun sejak Allahyarham Tok We Mi (your maternal great grandfather) meninggal, mama cuba ikut routine raya dia. You know Amer, he's such a father figure to the whole family. He just needs to say things once, semua takkan banyak cakap, ikut aje.



Pagi Raya, yang perempuan siapkan kuih, breakfast, gosok baju, sapu rumah and stack up all the tilam and bantal yang terbentang banyak-banyak depan tv.



Lepas breakfast, all the men will go for sembahyang raya, baru yang perempuan masuk bilik, dress up. Tok We Mo will surely make her cucu pakai barang kemas purba dia tu.



Sudah waktu sembahyang barulah kita semua bersalaman, pas duit raya.



Lepas tu terus rumah yang boleh tahan sempit tu mula penuh. Agaknya ruang guest room boleh muat 10 orang aje atas sofa, dining table iye la 6 orang, lepas tu 6 - 7 orang bersila atas lantai.



Macam tu la sampai ke senja.



Dulu masa mama muda lagi, mesti mama komplen aje tak sudah. Orang lain raya dapat bejalan, dapat melawa. Mama kena buat air teh, basuh cawan, ganti pinggan. Walaupun beramai buat kerja tapi tetap penat sangat.

Lepas tu baru mama sedar, tetamu rumah tu adalah rezeki. Sampai sekarang, daripada orang yang datang tu lah macam-macam info boleh dapat, semua orang ikhlas sangat kalau nak kongsi info. Slowly, mama belajar tolong layan guests, tak kira tua ke, warak sangat ke, anak cucu orang ke.


Suara Allahyarham Tok We Mi selalu yang paling clear, boleh didengar dari dapur.



Mama tak ingat apa yang diborakkan, tapi mama ingat tone suara orang yang datang. Semuanya ramah, semuanya berbunyi kasih.



Raya kedua baru lah boleh pegi satu dua rumah waktu pagi. Mesti take turns adik beradik supaya ada orang jaga rumah.



Tapi pagi raya kedua, kita semua ke kubur dulu.



Masa tu, tanah kubur keluarga kita baru ada liang lahat untuk lima orang aje kot.



Amer, kali ni, mama balik bawak anak mama, bawak suami mama.



Mama cuma nak semua orang dalam keluarga mama satu hari nanti kalau bukan sekarang, ingat, kita kat dunia ni sekejap saja.



Mama selalu imagine bila kita semua berkumpul bertingkat generasi in the afterlife. Arwah daddy mama mesti suka sangat kalau dia dapat hidup sampai kenal cucu. Tahu tak, your arwah nenek (paternal great grandmother) will surely riba you lama-lama and take you for a long evening walks kalau dia masih ada.

Kita beruntung tau, sebab kita dilahirkan dalam agama yang janjikan kita akhirat, bukannya reincarnation. Kita kena faham kenapa.

Amer nampak tak anak kambing kat tengah-tengah tu. You thought it was a cat!

Tahun ni, mama memang tak dapat ziarah banyak rumah di KB. Tahun depan pun agaknya kita tak balik, tengok lah keadaan, walaupun kalau boleh, selagi ada Tok We Mo, kita mesti temankan dia masa Raya.

I'm glad your papa took this photo. Amer, ingat ok, orang yang nak doakan kita masa hidup pun belum tentu ada. Ini kan lagi untuk yang dah tak ada.

Itu salah satu ukuran sejauh mana kita sayangkan orang.

Leader Bleeder

"The man who is worthy of being a leader of men will never complain about
the stupidity of his helpers, the ingratitude of mankind nor the inappreciation
of the public. These are all a part of the great game of life. To
meet them and overcome them and not to go down before them in disgust,
discouragement of defeat - that is the final proof of power."

- William J. H. Boetcker

If I were to read that towards 20 something pemakan gaji, they'd tune out--'I do not understand, what it is all about'. Or perhaps they'd nod in pretence of understanding.

.......

Would it be delusional for me to say I understood what being a leader is, what it can do, what it can destroy, so much earlier in life.

I saw what it did to late daddy, what it did to my mom, now.... what it is doing to me.

.... that it teaches me to understand specialization by gender. It puts that belief that if women can be a leader, it has to be done only with humility, with compassion.

What a disgrace to see the sight of women leaders who lose their feminisme the way Rafidah does it.

What a disgrace to see the sight of men leaders who makes workplace their territory for personal glory.

Leading is through being the one who keeps others engaged to your sense of guardianship.

Leading is through letting other people see their own qualities with clarity.

Leading is to have interest in having sincerity to work with people who can be better than us.

Today is the day I get that harsh flashbacks of my past comrades. The people who'd spend their dollars and cents, their sweat and blood, not primarily to chase money coz we hardly speak about it, but to keep everyone in the team up in pride, to keep the fun lingering.

..... I'm here and so far, I have proven that all our legacies are that of respectful substance.

If they are not blind and if I'm not full of myself and think I'm really holier than thou, that my personal integrity surpasses the need for silly signs of appreciation from people who don't matter to me.

Though, there is this very thin line where all that can just break into a thousand pieces like a thin piece of glass and hurt with great mess to everyone who steps on it.