It's been an eventful 2008

January and February 08 was the start of another new phase, Amer.

That was probably the beginning of my eratic sleeping patterns which I think may only end when he turns 18. Or God's blessing, when his youngest sibling turns 18. Ho boy!

It's not that my days haven't started early before, now, 5am he wakes up but we would just pretend to sleep. He does have empathy afterall, we don't know what goes around his mind while he'd stare up the ceiling and just play with my fingers for a whole hour.

If we're still not awake at 6am, get ready to be crawl-pede, finger bitten and smacked on the nose!

A million more things to organize, what should be sliced for his porridge tomorrow, is there enough amount of meat and vege, is it time to revamp his play area, would he be bored already by Tuesday while we're a work, how many parks, malls, which weekend holiday spots are baby friendly, when is the doctor's apmt, blaaaa blaaaaa.

So, my feet haven't been pedicured for the past 1 year. There's no need for any tricks. I don't even have the time to look at it and whine at how unkept they are. And best was, the handle of a bucket of water broke and it fell on my toe--fractured the bone. Nice! Nice! So much for trying to get my work done in the bathroom as quiet as a Ninja so baby won't get up.

Books and books about parenting became the new reading material, no more gossip magazines, not even blog hopping inbetween work, not even newspapers! I despised so many things my parents think are right for him. Like teaching him how to climb the staircase, talking into his face too repetitively.

So when we learnt that giving full emotional support is most important for baby's first three months, we gave our all and just continued till Amer, is now, 1 year old. I guess even if the books didn't coach that baby's cries must be consoled, they are just too cute to be ignored.

Yeah, so drama. First child.

I guess it is a universal phenomena for us women to discover so many things within us through the experience of motherhood. To some, this is the ultimate career, I concur to this; which explains my sharp 5:30pm departure from work. It will soon be... all time, all day punctuality for the family at home.

He is now at his most responsive. His sign language is through pointing towards the direction that he wants us to bring him to or he is familiar with followed with a humm. On mornings of our weekends I'd make it a point to take him out for an early morning stroll and keep uttering the word 'birds' as so many of them would fly by.

We finally see that we should just celebrate the diversed ways he gets educated and that my mother's quest to ensure his general motors and fine motors are coordinated early paid off! He's showing off how fast he could climb the stair case at mum's and the coordination of his hands and legs helps him to ride on his baby cars and trucks well. He gets off the bed by himself too! Legs first.

And all that moving the mouth so close to his face I kept yelling at mum not to, he's doing back to us. Calls out to his friends aloud.... Cha! Cha! for Natasha! Mama? When Amer?

Cum 11 months it's his turn to point them to me as if he discovered first which part of the sky they are flying by. That look on his face when I took his hands and run them through the pokok jejarum around the house and allowed him to grab it..... I can't help but to remember moments I had with my late dad. Why just a few years of relationship is ironically so vivid, so influential.

With all do respect, my mother, raised us single handedly since I was 6. A total disciplinarian at home and a typical Kelantanese breadwinner, to ensure there's food on the table, she worked hard. She leaves for work at 7am sharp and gets home right before dinner is served each day.

Back to my late dad, who wasn't that generous with chats, would piggy back me to the Subaru showroom and explained why they are great cars. He would rush to the nearby shop which is 10 minutes walking distance away from our house to buy good, hot chicken soup from a motorbike and share it just with me. Close.... that's how I can put it.

Closeness is what I managed to obtain from my relationship with mom only after she retired recently, finally the sight of her is no longer a rare matter.

That look on Amer's eyes when he found that it was alright for him to taste the flower buds, to keep opening the drawers and splatter everything out of it, to pick everything out of my wallet almost on daily basis and re arrange everything in the fridge that ticked me...... way back to all my chances to be spontaneous and the spirit to explore.

Getting snogged was what we used to get from our cats, and that's how he is showing his love back to us, bet he doesn't even know what that feeling means.

Tonight before he fell asleep, he tried to pick one of my earings off. We once ran to the Specialist Centre as we thought he had swallowed one side of my pearl stud, which ended up was right underneath his pillow.

Fears put aside, I let him repeat his favourite habit. When the earing was in his hand, my heartbeat was running faster but I pretended to be well.

He pushed himself nearer.... in order to fix it back into my earing hole, he tried many times and gruntled and twisted but of course, it's not possible. I wasn't allowed to help out.

Then he gave up, moved his view towards my eyes and handed the earing towards my palm and then snuggled within my neck.

Amer..... Mummy thinks mummy felt what you felt when you tasted the flower buds! I guess that's what drives me back home as fast as a lightning everyday; to nourish myself with your affection in return.