HYSTERIA!

A nervous affection, occurring almost exclusively in women, in which the emotional and reflex excitability is exaggerated, and the will power correspondingly diminished, so that the patient loses control over the emotions, becomes the victim of imaginary sensations, and often falls into paroxysm or fits.
[Webster1913]

I work in a plant which employs 5000 people. All of us are cramped up in a manufacturing area bursting at its’ seams working in 3 shifts 24 hours, seven days a week. Such confined areas are a always a hotspot for abnormal human behaviour which includes hysteria.

Some plants even have an SOP on how to deal with hysteria cases, mine included.

It is kind of surreal to walk into a production area and see young women rolling around the floor screaming. Any SOP on hysteria would state that the first thing that you do is to isolate the victim as it would only takes minutes for it to become a Mexican wave and soon you get others screaming and rolling on the floor. This would then become as safety issue and there are a lot of sharp and electrical machineries on the floors and the last thing you would want to have to getting them electrocuted or injured. Once this happens, we would first evacuate the other workers out of the line and then bring the victim to the recuperating area at the First Aid Centre. Isolation is paramount.

No doubt, there will be never be a dearth of pro bono soothsayers, bomohs and the lot in trying to help out.

However, I have noticed that nearly all mass hysteria cases happen in confined areas and on young women. This is not exclusive to workplace areas such as production lines but also in hospitals, school hostels and even National Service camps. All of these areas have a common factor- there are all areas where people are confined.

So yesterday, I had a long chat with the new big Kahuna who had just surpassed his 72 hours in the plant. He told me an interesting theory on this mass hysteria phenomenom.

Many years ago, he had a similar case in his plant. The first thing he did was to ask his workers to get rid of all the pro bono soothsayer and bomohs out of the area. Then he ordered the evacuation to the non- hysterical employees out of the lines into the cafeteria.

Then he would grab the hysterical employees one by one and literally drag them into the sick bay in front of all and sundry while whispering a “jampi” (prayer) in the ears. Almost immediately after his prayer, the victim would suddenly regain consciousness and become all meek and docile.

So what did he whisper into their ears? It was this:

“OK, just cool it. If you behave I shall give you an unrecorded day off tomorrow from work”.

“Its all about understanding human behaviour, mate. They are just stressed up in confined areas and this is a form of reaction. Give, them a free day off and they will automatically become normal. Its nothing to do with the spirits or ghosts. They just want a break”

Hmmmm………..I’m impressed, new big Kahuna…..you the man!


* Words of the Ponchoman *