Would You Deal With The Problem?
After my own which took years to end, I have heard too many broken courtships, many of which, when heard from both sides, are caused by bad judgments instead of the existence of a third party.
I mind counted the gossips I heard, I think there were 5 divorces that took place among those married in their early 20s which I heard through my friends. Most either marry their high-school sweetheart or uni housemates. I'm not trying to stereotype, I'm just repeating what I heard as the pattern is rather clear.
It's human's most popular dark secret which always rather be swept under the carpet.
Goss 1.
I had a friend who got married hurry-burrily with his uni days housemate. That's as a sign that he gave up with this world after being dumped by his real heart throb, this really gorgeous and intelligent swan.
Two weeks after his marriage, he woke up to reality and thought, "What the hell am I doing here?".
Coz once they're back in Malaysia, the real world, where there's no preplanned activities, uni-social parties, sports meet, boring white people that forces our people to flock together, they found no means of connection. He hates her style of fashion, she loves the kind of money he makes although she thinks his job isn't glamourous.
His Solution?
He thinks the comfort gained from years of being housemates can grow into something stronger after having kids, after seeing the joy and pride he would give his parents. But, ummm...... he ended up living two lives, one at home, another, the real him. He thought he could pull the charade forever, now it is draining him. He's now so established and on the look out all the time.
Goss 2.
The girlfriend - a psycho through the stories I heard, was said to have locked him at home to stop him from going to work as his colleagues seemed over friendly with him - nothing unusual as he's such a looker, to top it all, a kind hearted creature.
He changed jobs coz she's jealous -- either there's too many young women in skimpy outfits or too many pub going male colleagues. What happens when he fiercely asked for a breakup? She worked her way to get impregnated by him. That forces their engagement.
His Solution?
Suicide.... instead of hearing her blackmail to kill his baby. This iiiiss bizarre.
Goss 3.
Allison, married her beau after 1 1/2 years of courtship, she's an outdoor go-getter late bloomer talkative type, he's mummy's boy computer game 30 y'old boys-will-be-boys type. After they got married, life turned into a routine eat with mom-in-law, she watches Chinese movie while he sleeps, he plays computer games while she washes and irons.
French kisses turned to quick pecks, love making turned to wham-bam-sleep. After just 1 year, the small blank grew into a big communication gap. She chose to come back to her.... to her.
His solution?
He wants to make up and propose to have a baby as soon as possible to bring back the sparks.
Her solution?
She proposed that they'd list out the things they could compromise about regarding their differences. It turned out into a typhoon instead. She opted out.
Goss 4.
A cute, chirpy, witty young lady has been bored to the core because all her friends are already looking after their own family; therefore coldly accepted someone's proposal. She said it is time she gets onto a new phase in life. Her face beams with pride when she explained the shopping, size of 'hantaran' and party part of the event. She said she knows what love is, but she's not in one. She thinks kids would serve as marriage glue.
Things would've been fine if she doesn't continue to make herself available albeit the marriage preparations. She found her soulmate, her bestfriend, the one who has the same objective in life, THE ONE.
Her Solution?
She doesn't want any complications such as cancellations of event venues, two families get into huge feud, the fight with an eloquent boy, she decided to drop the soulmate and apply the 'First come First served' rule.
Goss 5.
A handsome, romantic, tall, hardworking man in his mid 30's. In his early 20's women threw themselves at his feet for his looks, sterling smile, contageous energy. Love affair didn't strike a chord as much as money making back then. For coming over and help him wash his clothes, iron and sex once in awhile were good enough reasons for marriage.
Two kids later is when he realised his life is empty. Sex is only when they need to have babies. Effort after effort to get it ends with no avail. Weekends are spent just being alone in front of the TV or do what's she passionate about, window shopping. Intense conversation is when a new asset is needed.
No matter how many times he said he's gonna pay to obtain satisfaction, it never happened. He said it is not worth jeopardizing what he had built the past 14 years.
Her recent birthday, he planned for the kids to be with their grandparents. She sprained her ankle, so private dinner turned out to be a visit to the reflexology, then to sleep.
The recent Valentine's Day, he bought her a set of diamond bracelet. She said, "Oh, so old fashioned." That would kill any man's hard-on for 5 years.
His Solution?
Life is again funny, he met his soulmate. He decided to keep her as a mistress till death do them part.
A good friend once said, "Once the lust is over, it is important that you both have so much in common". He also said, "Marry your bestfriend". He is the same person who dealt with the problem head-on, just like Allison.
He said, "No doubt you will hurt some people in the process. Isn't that better than living in a lie for the rest of your life? Remember, it's not about justifying it to anyone, not to the kids, not to the parents, not to the society, but to yourself!
Another good friend said, "After all we only have this one lifetime to be honestly in love or be honest to myself. I will be cruel to be kind just to have true love."
I mind counted the gossips I heard, I think there were 5 divorces that took place among those married in their early 20s which I heard through my friends. Most either marry their high-school sweetheart or uni housemates. I'm not trying to stereotype, I'm just repeating what I heard as the pattern is rather clear.
It's human's most popular dark secret which always rather be swept under the carpet.
Goss 1.
I had a friend who got married hurry-burrily with his uni days housemate. That's as a sign that he gave up with this world after being dumped by his real heart throb, this really gorgeous and intelligent swan.
Two weeks after his marriage, he woke up to reality and thought, "What the hell am I doing here?".
Coz once they're back in Malaysia, the real world, where there's no preplanned activities, uni-social parties, sports meet, boring white people that forces our people to flock together, they found no means of connection. He hates her style of fashion, she loves the kind of money he makes although she thinks his job isn't glamourous.
His Solution?
He thinks the comfort gained from years of being housemates can grow into something stronger after having kids, after seeing the joy and pride he would give his parents. But, ummm...... he ended up living two lives, one at home, another, the real him. He thought he could pull the charade forever, now it is draining him. He's now so established and on the look out all the time.
Goss 2.
The girlfriend - a psycho through the stories I heard, was said to have locked him at home to stop him from going to work as his colleagues seemed over friendly with him - nothing unusual as he's such a looker, to top it all, a kind hearted creature.
He changed jobs coz she's jealous -- either there's too many young women in skimpy outfits or too many pub going male colleagues. What happens when he fiercely asked for a breakup? She worked her way to get impregnated by him. That forces their engagement.
His Solution?
Suicide.... instead of hearing her blackmail to kill his baby. This iiiiss bizarre.
Goss 3.
Allison, married her beau after 1 1/2 years of courtship, she's an outdoor go-getter late bloomer talkative type, he's mummy's boy computer game 30 y'old boys-will-be-boys type. After they got married, life turned into a routine eat with mom-in-law, she watches Chinese movie while he sleeps, he plays computer games while she washes and irons.
French kisses turned to quick pecks, love making turned to wham-bam-sleep. After just 1 year, the small blank grew into a big communication gap. She chose to come back to her.... to her.
His solution?
He wants to make up and propose to have a baby as soon as possible to bring back the sparks.
Her solution?
She proposed that they'd list out the things they could compromise about regarding their differences. It turned out into a typhoon instead. She opted out.
Goss 4.
A cute, chirpy, witty young lady has been bored to the core because all her friends are already looking after their own family; therefore coldly accepted someone's proposal. She said it is time she gets onto a new phase in life. Her face beams with pride when she explained the shopping, size of 'hantaran' and party part of the event. She said she knows what love is, but she's not in one. She thinks kids would serve as marriage glue.
Things would've been fine if she doesn't continue to make herself available albeit the marriage preparations. She found her soulmate, her bestfriend, the one who has the same objective in life, THE ONE.
Her Solution?
She doesn't want any complications such as cancellations of event venues, two families get into huge feud, the fight with an eloquent boy, she decided to drop the soulmate and apply the 'First come First served' rule.
Goss 5.
A handsome, romantic, tall, hardworking man in his mid 30's. In his early 20's women threw themselves at his feet for his looks, sterling smile, contageous energy. Love affair didn't strike a chord as much as money making back then. For coming over and help him wash his clothes, iron and sex once in awhile were good enough reasons for marriage.
Two kids later is when he realised his life is empty. Sex is only when they need to have babies. Effort after effort to get it ends with no avail. Weekends are spent just being alone in front of the TV or do what's she passionate about, window shopping. Intense conversation is when a new asset is needed.
No matter how many times he said he's gonna pay to obtain satisfaction, it never happened. He said it is not worth jeopardizing what he had built the past 14 years.
Her recent birthday, he planned for the kids to be with their grandparents. She sprained her ankle, so private dinner turned out to be a visit to the reflexology, then to sleep.
The recent Valentine's Day, he bought her a set of diamond bracelet. She said, "Oh, so old fashioned." That would kill any man's hard-on for 5 years.
His Solution?
Life is again funny, he met his soulmate. He decided to keep her as a mistress till death do them part.
A good friend once said, "Once the lust is over, it is important that you both have so much in common". He also said, "Marry your bestfriend". He is the same person who dealt with the problem head-on, just like Allison.
He said, "No doubt you will hurt some people in the process. Isn't that better than living in a lie for the rest of your life? Remember, it's not about justifying it to anyone, not to the kids, not to the parents, not to the society, but to yourself!
Another good friend said, "After all we only have this one lifetime to be honestly in love or be honest to myself. I will be cruel to be kind just to have true love."
posted by Maine at 10:48 AM
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