The Hunch'sBack
Point 44: You wondered why 'The Hunch" entry is written years after it was experienced. Well, here's why.
[TO UNDERSTAND THIS ENTRY, YOU HAVE TO READ, THE HUNCH & THE HUNCH CONTINUED]
B's the kind of person who's got a certain kind of magnetism which makes people from all walks of life gravitate towards him. It's probably his never ending jokes and laughter, or probably his tendencies to explain things in detail, if possible with pictures, if his listeners don't understand what he's saying, or probably, it was his fiery anger towards something which people wanna know about and usually wanna agree about. He's very much a mentor to many and that includes me.
B and I had to spend quite a bit of time together to explore a lead generation programme for a certain product his company was about to complete, it's something complementary to my company's product. There were things we argued as hard as we laughed about, but we always ended up saying sorry quickly because there's another exciting project to discuss about without any bitterness. Although, things were forgiven, I always felt that those arguments should never have happened because he's a much older person and it makes me feel very shitty that I was disrespectful and at times, rude as in many ways I knew his thoughts just remained as just thoughts.
Then came the time when I had to spend some time in Penang for a company's trip. The night I had to pack up, I couldn't lift a single clothing out of my drawers. It was the strangest feeling, I kept having the cold sweat and my knees kept shaking and my heart kept pounding so fast.
This continued till 3 or 4am, I realised I was actually in a great fear about something but I can't figure what it was. My imaginations blew out of proportions (REALLY OUT OF PROPORTIONS), I dreamt that I died, what if I will really pass on in Penang. If it's all so beautiful in my dreams, why am I in fear right now?
I got tired of walking up and down restlessly. I thought, in order to pacify myself, maybe I should start asking for everyone's forgiveness.... right! Call people up at 4am to say 'I'm sorry if I've done something wrong to you before'?!
But, the strangest thing is, I only thought of calling one person, which is B. See, we had a silly silly argument about racism late that evening. He had this thing against the lower caste Indians and him being someone I look up to.. I was too disappointed with it and tried to explain why he shouldn't say the things he said till we again, ended up arguing till the end of our meeting.
B was completely puzzled why my sorry this time is not, "I'm sorry about the yada, yada". But it was a 4 a.m "I'm sorry with all my heart, please forgive me for all the things I've done wrong".
And true enough, after that packing up was a jiffy. In Penang, my paranoia made me avoid standing to near the banisters, no swimming in the sea and swimming pool. During the gala dinner, I finished my food and went right upstairs to my room and still wondered in what way will I pass on. There's no way the hotel building will collapse once I fall asleep.......
I came back to KL in one piece, kickin', alive! At that time, I thought I was just a short term looney.
Four days went by with lotsuf other things to do, as at 2 or 3 am I'd still get calls to help idealise something out. I did wonder what's all the hurry was that he couldn't wait till day time.
On Friday, we finally met for dinner. As we were walking into the petrol kiosk 24 hour shop we saw this beat old Kancil with so many little people in it parked at near the entrance.
To be continued again.
I have disabled comment box for this entry as this is just a story I want to share one way.
[TO UNDERSTAND THIS ENTRY, YOU HAVE TO READ, THE HUNCH & THE HUNCH CONTINUED]
Months after the life changing dream, a very good friend, B who disappeared for a couple of months due to hectic workloads made a reconnection with me.
B's the kind of person who's got a certain kind of magnetism which makes people from all walks of life gravitate towards him. It's probably his never ending jokes and laughter, or probably his tendencies to explain things in detail, if possible with pictures, if his listeners don't understand what he's saying, or probably, it was his fiery anger towards something which people wanna know about and usually wanna agree about. He's very much a mentor to many and that includes me.
B and I had to spend quite a bit of time together to explore a lead generation programme for a certain product his company was about to complete, it's something complementary to my company's product. There were things we argued as hard as we laughed about, but we always ended up saying sorry quickly because there's another exciting project to discuss about without any bitterness. Although, things were forgiven, I always felt that those arguments should never have happened because he's a much older person and it makes me feel very shitty that I was disrespectful and at times, rude as in many ways I knew his thoughts just remained as just thoughts.
Then came the time when I had to spend some time in Penang for a company's trip. The night I had to pack up, I couldn't lift a single clothing out of my drawers. It was the strangest feeling, I kept having the cold sweat and my knees kept shaking and my heart kept pounding so fast.
This continued till 3 or 4am, I realised I was actually in a great fear about something but I can't figure what it was. My imaginations blew out of proportions (REALLY OUT OF PROPORTIONS), I dreamt that I died, what if I will really pass on in Penang. If it's all so beautiful in my dreams, why am I in fear right now?
I got tired of walking up and down restlessly. I thought, in order to pacify myself, maybe I should start asking for everyone's forgiveness.... right! Call people up at 4am to say 'I'm sorry if I've done something wrong to you before'?!
But, the strangest thing is, I only thought of calling one person, which is B. See, we had a silly silly argument about racism late that evening. He had this thing against the lower caste Indians and him being someone I look up to.. I was too disappointed with it and tried to explain why he shouldn't say the things he said till we again, ended up arguing till the end of our meeting.
B was completely puzzled why my sorry this time is not, "I'm sorry about the yada, yada". But it was a 4 a.m "I'm sorry with all my heart, please forgive me for all the things I've done wrong".
And true enough, after that packing up was a jiffy. In Penang, my paranoia made me avoid standing to near the banisters, no swimming in the sea and swimming pool. During the gala dinner, I finished my food and went right upstairs to my room and still wondered in what way will I pass on. There's no way the hotel building will collapse once I fall asleep.......
I came back to KL in one piece, kickin', alive! At that time, I thought I was just a short term looney.
Four days went by with lotsuf other things to do, as at 2 or 3 am I'd still get calls to help idealise something out. I did wonder what's all the hurry was that he couldn't wait till day time.
On Friday, we finally met for dinner. As we were walking into the petrol kiosk 24 hour shop we saw this beat old Kancil with so many little people in it parked at near the entrance.
To be continued again.
I have disabled comment box for this entry as this is just a story I want to share one way.
posted by Maine at 7:26 PM
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