Counting those Blessings.
Warning: Perhaps this is my first 'dear diary' type of entry that's really full of myself. I don't mean to be boastful or downright childish in case it may sound that way, I am just reflecting on certain matters. It's not been my style but I think this one comes only once every 10 years from now :)
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15th January, 2005: Numerous SMSs came in starting 12am. I could only go back to sleep at 3ish in the morning. Never have I been this nervous about my own birthday. I was too scared to sit down without anything to do coz that'll give me the time to reflect back and then regret on things I never achieved since I was 20.
Morning, 15th January: I woke up and stared at myself in the mirror, still nervous about what the age 30 would emotionally do to me. I have made a lot of plans to face the next 10 years. Like everyone else, I want to start each new day being a better person. Perhaps I'd try to be like Paula Malai Ali, get myself a J. Choo's shoes and sign up for a package in an ok spa?! I continued dressing up and made my way to work. No, I'll just stick to simple things.
Yeap, this is the time it is okay to put on red lipstick, tie the hair up in a bun, wear higher and sharper heels, waited for this moment to grace the real womanhood since I was 27 so people will stop thinking that I'm such a kid, oh well, the normal dilemma of any flat chested woman I guess. I've got biological autocruise when it comes to driving to work, what was running in my mind were:
* The roaring Hari Raya moments back then when my late father was still around, there were him and his 10 siblings and respective spouses and children at the dining table. Also, the roaring moments during office meetings among 12 to 20 of us. These two things rarely happen now. So much so, I have to initiate it to make it happen. It's okay, it's interesting to go through the learning process.
I enjoy the moment where the ambience is really made by the different kinds of characters that fills up the room. This is when whatever that is served on my plate is hardly touched coz I am afraid of losing a particular subject or expression someone had shared. It's a kind of wealth which you can breathe in and feel so warm inside about.
_______________________________________________________
15th January, 2005: Numerous SMSs came in starting 12am. I could only go back to sleep at 3ish in the morning. Never have I been this nervous about my own birthday. I was too scared to sit down without anything to do coz that'll give me the time to reflect back and then regret on things I never achieved since I was 20.
Morning, 15th January: I woke up and stared at myself in the mirror, still nervous about what the age 30 would emotionally do to me. I have made a lot of plans to face the next 10 years. Like everyone else, I want to start each new day being a better person. Perhaps I'd try to be like Paula Malai Ali, get myself a J. Choo's shoes and sign up for a package in an ok spa?! I continued dressing up and made my way to work. No, I'll just stick to simple things.
Yeap, this is the time it is okay to put on red lipstick, tie the hair up in a bun, wear higher and sharper heels, waited for this moment to grace the real womanhood since I was 27 so people will stop thinking that I'm such a kid, oh well, the normal dilemma of any flat chested woman I guess. I've got biological autocruise when it comes to driving to work, what was running in my mind were:
* The roaring Hari Raya moments back then when my late father was still around, there were him and his 10 siblings and respective spouses and children at the dining table. Also, the roaring moments during office meetings among 12 to 20 of us. These two things rarely happen now. So much so, I have to initiate it to make it happen. It's okay, it's interesting to go through the learning process.
I enjoy the moment where the ambience is really made by the different kinds of characters that fills up the room. This is when whatever that is served on my plate is hardly touched coz I am afraid of losing a particular subject or expression someone had shared. It's a kind of wealth which you can breathe in and feel so warm inside about.
Hmmmm.......I wish my father is still around and be the wiseman who'd take a few decisions away from my hands.
I don't hope to have a huge family, it's too late to make that. However, I remember a proverb that says "Friends are relatives you make for yourself--Eustache Peschamps".
After 10 years of spending time to get to know friends and business partners (ugh!), I felt a certain kind of vacuum in my life. Blogging, too, made me realise that I should find out more about my own roots, get to know my own cousins and relatives too and in the process, perhaps, get to know myself even more. That's why, never have I gone back to Kelantan more than just for Hari Raya till lately, you hear a lot of stories about my hometown. I have made a lot of interesting discoveries. I felt more profound about who I am and where I am from. I'm glad these happen before I turned 30.
Back to my birthday story...ehm. Weeks after was a blast! It was never this way in any of my previous birthdays which were usually quite privately celebrated.
My one and only sister gave me three bags full of goodies from Ikea, glasses, serviette holder and the like. She knows how much I love to hold a do at home for friends.
My mother, the person I have always been so macho with about my feelings gave me two sets of jewelleries. It used to be just a card and a cake... really! But what I appreciated the most is the fact that I'm this age and she's of course growing older, not once has she bickered on when I should tie the knot. I really appreciate it that she trusted my decisions. I really hope her silence doesn't mean that she is disappointed in me. I definitely want bigger and worthwhile challenges. There are just too many strange characters in this world mom!
I don't hope to have a huge family, it's too late to make that. However, I remember a proverb that says "Friends are relatives you make for yourself--Eustache Peschamps".
After 10 years of spending time to get to know friends and business partners (ugh!), I felt a certain kind of vacuum in my life. Blogging, too, made me realise that I should find out more about my own roots, get to know my own cousins and relatives too and in the process, perhaps, get to know myself even more. That's why, never have I gone back to Kelantan more than just for Hari Raya till lately, you hear a lot of stories about my hometown. I have made a lot of interesting discoveries. I felt more profound about who I am and where I am from. I'm glad these happen before I turned 30.
Back to my birthday story...ehm. Weeks after was a blast! It was never this way in any of my previous birthdays which were usually quite privately celebrated.
My one and only sister gave me three bags full of goodies from Ikea, glasses, serviette holder and the like. She knows how much I love to hold a do at home for friends.
My mother, the person I have always been so macho with about my feelings gave me two sets of jewelleries. It used to be just a card and a cake... really! But what I appreciated the most is the fact that I'm this age and she's of course growing older, not once has she bickered on when I should tie the knot. I really appreciate it that she trusted my decisions. I really hope her silence doesn't mean that she is disappointed in me. I definitely want bigger and worthwhile challenges. There are just too many strange characters in this world mom!
My best friend Shali whom I have known for the past 13 years and husband and parents. You treat me on your birthday, you treat me on my birthday. I'm humbled by that.
My best friend Epul whom I have known for the past 7 years, gosh... a car wash gift that turned out to be an Alpine CD player, a set of tweeter and new wipers. A soul brother you are.
A set of lovely orange Batek kurung, a Siamese sarong, a CD perfume, a cookbook on various ways to prepare shrimps written by 'Bubba Gump' given by Zain and a book titled 'Maps for the Lost Lovers' written by a Muslim in a foreign country (gosh, do I need to read this?) and a cleanly licked tub of Baskin Robbins still strewn around my room. I still have enough room to sleep on the bed without crushing these things.
Perhaps, although when I looked back and thought I don't have a family to call my own, I have friends and friends' families and of course my mother and sister who helped to lift my spirits up. My cats too, who're always there to welcome me home with long yawns although sometimes I forget to feed them.
My friends and I threw a small do at a club in KL end of last month, all us Carpricornus. It's nice to see that everyone gets along with everyone. My cousin gets along with my officemates that gets along with my friends's friends who get along with my sister's new friend who gets along with one another. If I were to have my own family, this is exactly what I wish to see, everyone are good and respect each other and knew how to make the best out of a particular moment. I cannot believe I could drag myself to a dancing party again... but hell, I was ready two hours before time! Too excited like that! Thanks for all that smile in your faces mates!
There's nothing more I would ask for but for the well being and continuous wealth to all these wonderful people who has made my life so meaningful.
posted by Maine at 8:46 PM
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